Everyone see me as a happy go lucky ger and always thought im happy.. but deep down in my heart... i feel very lonely and unloved..
Though bao bei keep sayin that he love me but i cant feel any love he gave... he is always bz doin his things.. i know he is bz and tired and i dun wan to force him to company me.. now he startin his sch and we seem to drift apart.. i cant understand what is going on in his life and he dun understand me either..
I really hate this kind of life cos theres no communication between us and the time we spent is really not enough but he always think its enough.. i know we wont be happy in future cos of his mum.. if without his mum objection, i think we can be more happy but since his mum is in middle then i cant expect much from him cos its no use forcing him and showin disrespect for elders.. not that im noble but i dun wan to quarrel and make things worse..
Im really tired of all this and our future is so unstable.. i have no faith in him cos hes still not very mature and still wans to play.. i know.. new sch new frds new life.. haizz.. i dun like ppl to force me and i wont control ppl too.. if he knows wat is right and wrong then let it be.. no point tellin him so much..
Haven seen him since sat.. didnt see bao bei on Sun & Mon cos he said he is tired and wan to rest at home.. He is tired on Sun cos he worked and work till very late and last nite, he said his new lap top is comin and have to test so didnt manage to meet too.. his attitude towards this relation really makes me sick and tired of him.. he dun understand and dun care me either.. he only wan ppl to care him.. mayb we both are used to ppl concern rather than we care for others..
Without him in my life might make me more happy cos i wont bother so much abt him.. now u see him as my bf but the actually fact is that hes jus a frd to me.. cos the time we had is really less and the feeling is not as strong as b4..
6 mths ago, I do believe that ' if you have the will power to keep this relations going and always be there for him' your relations will be stronger... but now... i'm sick and tired of all this waiting and being called when he is free...
Precious LynN
Tuesday, December 14, 2004